Wedding, couple, grass, sunset

Popular Christian culture has advised us that there should be “no sex before marriage.” Hollywood has independently added the emphasis on the wedding ceremony. In general, this is a good rule, but the “before” period is not always well established. This begs the question: When does, actually, marriage begin? A popular Christian website, which answers biblical question states the following:

So, what constitutes marriage in God’s eyes? It would seem that the following principles should be followed: 1) As long as the requirements are reasonable and not against the Bible, a man and a woman should seek whatever formal governmental recognition is available. 2) A man and a woman should follow whatever cultural, familial, and covenantal practices are typically employed to recognize a couple as “officially married.” 3) If possible, a man and a woman should consummate the marriage sexually, fulfilling the physical aspect of the “one flesh” principle. (Source: https://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-constitutes.html.)

The above summary is well balanced in many ways and generally in line with biblical and New Testament teachings. There are other Christian traditions that put marriage in dependance of an external ecclesiastical authority: “Marriage begins in God’s eyes when the constitutionally established and widely recognised authority of a defined region joins the couple” (Source: https://africa.thegospelcoalition.org/video/when-does-marriage-begin-in-gods-eyes/ ).

In this view the emphasis is on external recognition by an authority which is deemed to have the right to pronounce the beginning of the marriage, and that authority is equated with God. This view focuses on the teaching that “officers of the state are servants of God.” However, since marriage does not originate with the state, the state cannot officiate a procedure that would validate it in God’s eyes. One example is those jurisdictions that are using legislation to make up new types of marriages which are unnatural and abominable in the eyes of God. Even if popular during the era of the emergence of the nation-state this view is putting too much power in the hands of the state on matters which are of God’s concern (Matthew 22:21).

On the other end, ignoring the need for recognition of the union between a man and a woman, and just “being married in our hearts” and denying the need for any external recognition of the marriage, is showing disrespect to the institution of marriage.  Marriage was created by God in the beginning, and all sins of sexual immorality are actually some form of violation of that primary design for man and his helper. Focusing only on the internal and spiritual aspect of marriage is in fact denying that marriage to be spiritual has social and public manifestation; and shows some level of lack of commitment and responsibility toward marriage especially if it has been already sexually consummated.

Both of these extreme views and practices can be corrected over time so that the marriage finds its full alignment with God’s will for the couple, or unfortunately may lead to separation and break up. In the former view consummating the marriage to become one flesh is recommended, “whenever possible.” That is commendable sensitivity to all various possible problems in man to wife relationships but the command of God is “go and multiply” which does not happen without marital consummation. On of the most fundamental features of marriage that define it as such is the physical and the related emotional and soulish unity that occurs at the consummation of the husband-wife relationship. If the rule “whenever possible” is liberally applied we will be led to endorse societal and state-mandated constructs of “marriage” that have nothing to do with marriage.

Here I will suggest four distinct elements that would help determine the moment of the beginning of the marriage, which may not be one specific moment in time, but a number of such moments.

1. Recognition by God. This recognition is achieved in the era of the New Testament by taking into account the faith of the man and the woman, the counsel and recognition of the church and community, and following New Testament teachings.
2. Recognition by the community. The community in this case consists of those who know and care about the couple and involves parents, the church, friends, and a larger society depending on culture, circumstances, and tradition, all of which should not contradict the faith.
3. At the consummation of the marriage and becoming “one flesh.”
4. Recognition by the law of the land. Of the three, this one is the least important and must be evaluated accordingly if the law of the land appears to contradict the biblical model of marriage and is not against the teachings of Christ.

Thus, the marriage is an important union and rests upon the creation of man as man and woman (Genesis 2). On the one hand it is universally accepted within certain parameters, which resemble the original design for marriage – a multifaceted partnership between one man and one woman. On the other, a distinct society may move away from the natural understanding and practice of marriage. Yet the starting moment can be determined only as all of the above factors are taken into account.

The Church of Jesus Christ is not mandated to impose our understanding of marriage on all of society. However, the Church must abide by the biblical understanding of marriage and may not “update” those to conform to the mores of the day. If a society wants to regulate marriage, something a secular government has no right to, since marriage did not originate in the will or power of the secular ruler, it can deviate from the biblical and natural standards. For example, laws that mandate that men can merry men are a sign of moral corruption and usually the societal decay and imminent collapse into chaos.

However, as society drifts away from the true God, revealed in Jesus Christ, and the Gospel is not influencing how society at large thinks, the view of marriage will devolve into non-Christian understanding and hence sexually immoral choices will be promoted. In current societies, known historically as “the Western civilization” laws of the land and governments are endorsing types of “marriage” that is not only incompatible with the Bible, but in many cases, it is seen as “abomination” (Leviticus 18:22 bans the sexual act between men, which excludes any recognition of a “marriage” between two men.) The endorsement of sexual immorality as a “human right” is yet another tendency which points to the moral decay in those nations and societies.

The ordinary consequence when any form of godlessness and corruption become blatant in a society, as a form of rebellion against God and his created natural order, is social deterioration, decay and eventually chaos and collapse. These are all the manifestation of God’s judgment on such society. The judgment is usually preceded by persecutions against those believers, who point out the corruption and the sin in society and gauge the level of deviation from God and His standards, including on issues of marriage and sexual immorality.

It is also to be remembered that Christians are advised in the NT writings of the apostles to marry believers to avoid future complications in the marriage and potential suffering as a result of the often-irreconcilable differences between a believer and a non-believer. However, this is not a rule that is absolute, but the warning is there. Some of the apostles were married, and some not. Peter had a wife, and a mother-in-law, while Paul was celibate. There is no requirement or any definitive advantage to being married or not married as a servant of  God and a Christian.

The Church of Jesus Christ however has a task to preach the gospel, the nearness of the kingdom of God, and the call to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. Only when perceived from this perspective marriage gains its meaning and importance. It is to be remembered that the Bible uses symbolic imagery of the marriage between Christ and His church.

Thus, keeping sexual purity is not only a matter of restraint from doing something naughty before or after the wedding ceremony, or the day of issuance of the marriage certificate by the state. It is a total, comprehensive attitude toward God, the church and the opposite sex, reflecting our faith in Jesus Christ, or lack thereof.