The essay below was written by Rosa, one of the former “inmates” of the orphan home in Novo Selo, who pretty much we saw grow up in the last 6 years. I translated the essay in English because I find it to be one of the few moments of vulnerability and honesty that Rosa has allowed during the time we’ve known her.
She is 24 and is still trying to define a direction in life where she could live with dignity. After a long time of seeing the work of the Lord among us, in the life of her peers and her own life, she finally gave her life to Christ and was baptized in the Danube. On the photo to the right, Rosa is in the far, right corner. Barely visible, typical for her.
The essay was written as part of the assignment for a young writer’s course which we designed and started as one of our outreaches in the Youth Club. She has written before, but any attempt to encourage her has resulted in her shrinking back and rejecting any attempt to help her express herself in writing. Reading the piece really shows the struggle of this former orphan, now a young Christian woman, to be someone who lives with a purpose. Only Jesus can make this happen for her. She is on the right path as long as the “I” in her story remains surrendered to God.
The photo on the right: Rosa awaits her baptism.
All are hurrying somewhere
By Rosa Dobreva
Imagine a busy street – cars, buildings … people, people. All are quickly going somewhere, each buried in their problems, pain, joy and trying to live one more day, to do more work or to get lost along the street, to kill the next twenty-four hours of life. This is the world – everyone is in a hurry to somewhere. Everyone is fighting for his or her own survival. Everyone has their dreams and aspirations, no one stops at nothing, and everyone strives to be fine as it can.
All these people emanate such coldness! You want to love them, to trust them, but how? How can I trust them when they continue to lie to me? How to love them when they hate you and all they want is to use you and bring you down? How to stay clean and pure while striding in mud and depravity? What do I have left? To lie, to cheat, to leave behind morals and dignity, to compromise my values in order to achieve my goals, all in the name of success.
But maybe this compromise will lead to others after it and ultimately I will become a hypocrite? To go up in this world, certainly you should make a compromise with your dignity, and even accept humiliation. I fear this! I do not want to become a slave to greed and money. Everyone strives to have it, believing that it brings happiness. But no! Money does not make you happy, it turns you into a miser, you want more and more and gradually, without realizing it, you become a monster. But you cannot fight money. It has already overtaken the whole a planet since long time ago. But, No! I will not give up.
I am beginning to stride confidently down the street called “Life.” I have already solved my dilemma. I decided not to be like them! But it is terribly difficult to stand for what I want to be, my values and my ideals. I know one thing that should be alive my life with dignity, but that will be hard to achieve. However, I will put much effort into it.
I hope that the ugly picture that I see at the beginning of my path will not destroy me, but will give me the resolve to walk it all the way. And to get to the end of the street, proud that I stood up for myself that I was a person, that I am “I.”
Copyright (c) 2009